He Drives Me Crazy
by GreenEyesGreySkies
Summary: Harry wanted to tear his hair out. He wanted to tear Draco's hair out. But most of all, he wanted to tear Draco from the driver's seat, throw him out of the car, and take over. *Post Hogwarts AU* Banter banter banter.


**Author's Note: Post-Hogwarts AU Draco/Harry oneshot. Silly. Mostly dialogue. And this probably contains the least amount of fluffy slash I have ever written... Please excuse.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and I cry everyday over that fact. **

**He Drives Me Crazy**

"First, take a firm grip. Keep your hand steady, and clear your mind. Okay, now press gently—No, Draco, I said _gently!—_bloody hell. Do it again… All right, oh yeah, that's better. Smoother now, just let it glide in your hand like butter…"

"Merlin, Potter," Draco grumbled, releasing and flexing his hand for a moment. "Are you attempting to teach me how to drive or how to jerk off? Either way, you're horrible at it."

Harry took a deep breath and counted to ten in his head. Why had he agreed to teach Draco Malfoy to drive? And on a beautiful Saturday morning, nonetheless! He'd cleared brunch with Hermione, a couple pints at the bar with Ron, _and_ a trip to the zoo with Teddy... for this. Which in itself was just a migraine and a fist fight waiting to happen. He glanced over at Draco again, who was scowling vehemently at the dashboard. Or maybe two...

"You told Hermione that you wanted to learn how to drive," he explained slowly. "So I'm here to teach you and you have to listen to me."

"Yes, and when I told Granger that, I was implying that _she _should teach me, not you," Draco snapped, turning around to glare at Harry. The light coming in from the sunroof glittered obnoxiously over his blond head. "But of course, that would be too easy, wouldn't it? Send in the bloke whose greatest wish is to strangle me into a coma, there's an idea! Although," he shot Harry another dirty look, "I reckon it wouldn't be so bad if your instructions weren't so deliberately _suggestive. _Are you trying to have me on, Potter?"

Harry snorted. As if that were truly the problem. "Doubtful. I'll try to keep it clean for your innocent ears from now on, Malfoy," he remarked. "But honestly, if I had it my way, I wouldn't be here at all and you would have nobody to teach you. So be grateful that I am and shut it."

At that, Draco actually quieted. "Fine, what do I do first?" he muttered after a while.

Harry sighed, rubbing his forehead in preparation. All right, he'd been through this before. He'd taught Ron how to drive a couple years back (it had turned out to be slightly reminiscent of the incident in second year, but nonetheless effective by the end), so why should Draco be any different? "Put your hand back on the clutch, start it up, and try again," he began.

Draco rolled his eyes, but did what Harry instructed. "Okay, now what?"

"Have you got it in drive?"

"Obviously, I've got it in drive. What kind of idiot do you think I am?"

Harry pursed his lips. Curse Hermione for dragging him into this! Hadn't she realised that this sort of thing would happen? Sure, it was true that he had once mentioned that he'd like to get along with Draco a little better since they were working together now, but this was not what he had had in mind. Merlin, he should have taken a shot of Firewhiskey before he left this morning. Maybe then his nerves wouldn't be so prominent. Irritated, Harry shook his hair out of his eyes and tried again.

"Just release the brake and gas it. But easy, there—easy!"

Draco, of course, had stomped on the gas, which had resulted in the vehicle jolting forward sharply and both their heads to crash back against the headrests. Harry yelped and rubbed the back of his neck. "Damn it, Draco, I told you to take it easy!" he cried.

"Hey, this is my first time driving, so shut the fuck up."

"Since _I'm _teaching_you _right now, you should be the one to shut the fuck up and listen to my directions!"

"Oh, and how can I trust that _you_ know how to drive?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "It's common sense in the Muggle world. But you wouldn't know that, seeing as you've never bothered to come here before now. You don't have a clue how to do this without my help, that's why I'm here!"

Oops. He paused and casually glanced over at Draco, hoping that his last comment hadn't set the other man off. But unfortunately for him, Draco was already scowling and had turned back towards the steering wheel, gripping it tight. "We'll see about that," he growled, stepping on the gas pedal again. The engine revved ominously. Oh gods.

"Whoa, stop, that wasn't supposed to be a challenge," Harry warned, but Draco didn't listen. When did he ever listen? He spun the wheel and sped up, a wide grin forming on his face as he flew down the course. "I'm driving, I'm really driving—oh shit!"

The car swerved away from hitting the curb just in time, the seats rocking and the tires screeching loudly in complaint. Draco bit his lip and turned away, and Harry could tell that he was trying not to look at him as he kept going towards the exit of the practise lot. Harry ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Bloody hell, this wasn't the Fast and the Furious. It was clear that Harry needed to control Draco before he got the two of them killed or worse, _ticketed_. "You need to slow down and stay inside the area," he instructed calmly. Draco's eyes widened again.

"What? You don't think I'm capable of driving out on the real road? How hard can it be, Muggles do it all the time. I'll do it with my eyes closed!"

"That's not what I—" Harry's head slammed into the side of the car as Draco swerved out of the parking lot and charged into the street, almost immediately crashing into an incoming car. Damn! Harry rubbed his temples. Why did Draco have to see everything as a challenge? "Malfoy, what are you doing?" he yelled.

"I'm driving!" Draco exclaimed, slamming his hands on the wheel in excitement and exasperation. "What are _you_ doing? You're supposed to be teaching me, you prat!"

"I'm trying, but you're not listening to me!"

"Whoa, do you see that? That bloke is waving at me!"

Draco was a horrible driver, but an even worse listener. Harry shook his head in disbelief. How did Draco ever make it through school like this? Also, just how injured would Harry be if he decided to jump out of the car right now? "You know, I'd imagine he's trying to tell you something," Harry suggested sarcastically. _Like hey, maybe you should slow the fuck down! _he mused, as an afterthought.

"Oh… I see." Draco rolled down the window as he sped by the agitated passerby, reached into his pocket and tossed a couple of bills out the window. "Hey buddy, keep the change! You should really have a sign out or something!"

Harry stared at him, horrified. "Draco, that's not—Keep your hands on the wheel! And for Merlin's sake, what are you _doing_?"

"For the last time, Potter, I'm driving!"

"Red means stop, Malfoy, not speed up!"

"I'm not a Muggle, I don't have a Muggle license, I don't know the Muggle rules… plus, this is not my car, so I think I'm going to speed up if I bloody well want to, thanks!"

"It's _Ron's_ car, and he'll have our heads if you wreck it!"

Draco still wasn't listening. And he wasn't even in a proper lane! Cars were beeping furiously around them and Harry wanted to tear his hair out. He wanted to tear _Draco's _hair out. But most of all, he wanted to tear Draco from the driver's seat, throw him out of the car, and take over. Draco was absolutely hopeless. A rock could probably drive better than he could! Harry thought wistfully of his couch at home and then of the sweet, solid ground.

"I don't understand why you want to learn to drive in the first place," he muttered absently, picking at his seatbelt and shooting a glare over at Draco.

For some reason, Draco looked slightly ashamed. Then he narrowed his eyes at Harry, as if suspicious. "How do you mean?"

"If you're not going to go the speed limit, at least keep your eyes on the road, damn it," Harry flared, and to his surprise the other did what he was told, albeit grudgingly. "And well, it is a rather Muggle practise, like you said."

Draco was quiet for a moment. "You know that I've been forced to mingle with the lot of you since I've obtained a job at the ministry," he explained, somewhat reluctantly. "And that for some barmy reason you people fancy meeting up at Muggle dumps where there are no safe places to Apparate. So naturally, I must find other means to join."

Harry raised his eyebrows. He hadn't expected Draco to give such an open, honest answer. He had had no idea that Draco actually wanted to spend time with them; he was always the first to leave after clocking out, claiming that he couldn't stand another minute with them. Harry smiled a little. He had to admit, the lie was a bit endearing. And of course, misleading.

"Really? You're doing this because you don't want to be left behind when we go out after work?" he asked.

"Yes," Draco remarked, irritably. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"Uh, yeah, since you don't act like it," Harry confessed.

"Well, I am. Now quit distracting me and let me drive in fucking peace."

Harry bit his lip and turned away to hide his growing smile.

It was sort of nice, honestly. Draco Malfoy was actually willing to stoop down to Muggle levels in order to make new friends. At least he was _trying_ to fit in, no matter how ridiculous he was being or how horrible of a driver he was. Harry glanced over at the other man again, watching him worry his lip and furrow his brow trying to make something out of the 'yellow-means-slow' situation. It was just a bit endearing, that's all. But—Harry frowned as Draco wrongly sped through the yellow light—it still didn't make up for _just_ how horrible he was. Over the next hour, Draco managed to run three red lights, bang up the side of Ron's car, make two illegal u-turns, hit a trash can, a lamppost, someone's bumper (Harry had to give the bloke his own information, since Draco didn't have credible Muggle documents) and several curbs. Even with his newfound respect for Draco, Harry could only keep his cool for so long. And he was pretty sure he had already suffered through at least two migraines since getting in the car. At least.

By the time they'd hit their fourth and final curb, Harry was gripping his seatbelt in horrified aggravation. He was _this_ close to rocking back and forth in his seat. How? Just how was this even possible? He began to question his teaching skills and then Draco's sanity and then his own sanity and the fact that they'd been driving for miles and Harry couldn't even recognise his surroundings anymore and oh Merlin he was stuck in the middle of nowhere with Draco Malfoy!

"Draco, stop playing with your hair and watch the road!" he snapped.

Draco's normally perfect hair was strewn about his face, which was slightly flushed with frustration. "I am watching it! Leave me alone, git!"

"If I leave you alone you'll kill us both!" Harry yelled, now gripping his seatbelt even tighter for safety.

"Where are we? There are no people around… Potter, aren't you watching where we're going?" Draco accused, now glaring at him and spinning the wheel at an incredible speed simultaneously. Gods, they weren't even on the actual road anymore!

Harry ignored that, staring straight ahead with wide eyes. "Watch out for that tree!"

Draco gasped and jerked forward, pressing random buttons and spinning the entire vehicle around at the same time. The trunk popped open and the backseat tumbled out, flying out onto the side of the road and rolling away, but it didn't slow down the car in the slightest and they were still spinning. Harry saw his life flash before his eyes, and nothing else.

"AHHHH!" he screamed.

"We're going to die!" Draco screamed.

"This is all your fault!"

"This is all _your_ fault!"

"Sweet mother of—"

The back of the car slammed into the tree with a loud crash, taking the trunk door clean off the end and most likely smashing the bumper into smithereens. And then the engine revved once, twice, before going completely quiet. For a few long moments, Harry sat still and immobile in silence, although he could practically feel Draco sneaking worried peeks at him. He was dead. He was so dead.

"Get out of the car," Harry uttered slowly. He was going to try and keep his temper…

"You seem aggravated…"

"I said, _get OUT of the car._"

Draco jumped out immediately, and Harry followed him. He marched straight to the back and inspected the damage, then took a step back and screamed. What was he going to do? How was he going to explain this? Oh no. He shook his head. Ron was going to kill him! No wait—Ron was going to kill Draco, and then _Harry_ was going to kill Draco, and then Ron was going to kill_ him_!

Draco looked genuinely concerned. "Look, I—"

"You git! What is wrong with you?" Harry burst out, waving his arms in the air. "Why didn't you listen to me?"

"You were distracting me! How am I supposed to learn anything when my instructor is completely incoherent?"

"How is _'watch out for that tree'_ difficult to understand?" Harry demanded, fisting his own hair violently and squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. He wouldn't be surprised if all of his veins just exploded at once. Blood pressure. Didn't Hermione say something about blood pressure once? "You are undoubtedly the worst driver I have ever met," he muttered. "You've damaged public and private property while violating every possible driving rule there is, and now you've destroyed Ron's car and probably your chances of ever making amends with him. Just... why are you doing this? Why is this driving thing so important to you?"

Draco blew his hair out of his eyes. "I told you why!"

"But I don't get it. You hate hanging out with us at work!" Harry shouted suddenly. "Why would you want to be with us when you don't have to be?"

"So what if I hate being with my coworkers?" Draco shouted back. His face was redder than before, and causing the veins in his neck to stick out angrily. Harry absently wondered if Draco had blood pressure issues as well. "After spending hours upon hours at work, sometimes I just want to strangle you all," Draco continued to yell. "But has it ever occurred to you that perhaps I'd be willing to waste my time going to those stupid things anyway because of _you_?"

As soon as that last word came out of his mouth, Draco immediately shut down and scowled at the ground. Harry's mouth dropped open, and suddenly all thoughts of car damage and horrible driving and being lost disappeared.

"Wait, what?"

"Never fucking mind. Let's just try and restart this dump."

"No, Malfoy... Draco… What are you trying to say?"

The blond tucked a few strands of hair behind his ear, uncertain. "I just... I mean, we're not in school anymore, Potter," he murmured hesitantly. "And lately, I've been—well, you see, I've noticed that I... and you... You're so..." he cleared his throat with discomfort. "So, yes. I did tell Granger that I wanted to learn how to drive. The truth is, _she_ was going to teach me at first… before I asked her if she could persuade you to do it instead."

"Why would you—?'

"That's what I've been trying to say. I wanted you to teach me because, well, believe it or not, Potter, it just so happens that I don't hate you anymore," Draco grumbled, still staring at the ground. "In fact, I really don't hate you. I kind of…" he trailed off and bit his lip. He looked like a kicked puppy that way.

Harry stared at him, his mouth slightly ajar. This was unbelievable. So Draco had purposely insisted on Harry's instruction, and after getting it, had proceeded to bug the shit out of him the entire time because he had wanted Harry's _attention_? He had wanted... him? Harry thought back to all of the sarcastic conversations, the screaming matches, and the petty insults over the last few months, wondering how they clicked in. It was ridiculous. But somehow, it really didn't matter now.

"Maybe I feel the same way," he found himself saying back. "In all honesty, I kind of… really don't hate you too."

Draco looked up at that. "I'm sorry," he said. "About both the car and about… pissing you off."

Harry gave him a teensy smile. "It's okay," he replied.

"And I'm sorry about being a pain in the arse to you before this, too… so pretty much everything I've ever done to you, just consider me sorry for."

"Thanks."

"Although last week I stole your bagel, and I'm not particularly sorry about that."

Harry gave him a weird look. "Fair enough," he said.

Suddenly, he didn't care that he was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no other means, or that he would have to pay a hefty sum to compensate Ron for the damage to his car. Draco was smiling back at him now, and had stepped closer. Harry had never realised just how lovely Draco's blond hair looked when it shimmered in the sunlight or how tall and lean his body was. He had never realised just how much Draco's crazy banter and insults and petty remarks actually made his heart race. At that moment, his heart threatened to thump straight out of his chest. And then it hit him—all of those things, all of those things that drove him absolutely mental—were exactly what drove him towards Draco in the first place. Harry hadn't refused to teach Draco because somewhere deep down, he had wanted to do it. In a way, Draco had asked for Harry... and Harry had asked for Draco in return.

"I've got an idea," Harry suggested suddenly. "I'll drive you after work."

Draco brightened at that. "Like a chauffeur?"

"Sort of."

"I can see it now. You'd be my own personal House Elf."

"You're pushing it, Malfoy."

Draco eyed him up and down then inched closer, and now Harry could feel a flush creeping up over his own skin as Draco's fingers brushed lightly over his arm. "That depends on how much you really don't hate me, Potter," Draco murmured, his normally stony eyes lighting up with mischief. "You may just let it slide."

Harry inhaled sharply and pursed his lips. "You drive me crazy, you know that?"

Draco grinned wolfishly and leapt forward, his mouth lingering over Harry's and their lips just barely touching, teasing. Harry was suddenly surrounded by the scent of Draco's shampoo, the warmth of his skin, the stiff crease of his button up, and at that moment, it was just too irresistible. He relaxed his mouth and leaned in, his heart pounding like thunder.

"Shotgun," Draco remarked all of the sudden, cutting Harry off. His hand disappeared from Harry's arm and he took a step back, whirled around, and ran back towards the totaled car, cackling madly. Harry stared after him in disbelief.

"Draco!" he yelled. "Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

"Hey," Draco called back, climbing into the passenger seat and motioning towards the engine, as if expecting Harry to fix it on his own. "Nobody ever said that driving would be easy."

**Author's Note: It's 4 AM; I've worked on this for hours now and I'm so tired. So I'm posting it now and editing it later when I get the chance. Thanks for reading. xx**


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